myDIARY

Eventually I'll learn how to put a real table of contents right here that you can click on.

#1- The pursuit of happiness at 23

#2- xxxx

#1- The pursuit of happiness at 23

08/13/25

I'm coming up on my 24th birthday. Call me crazy, but I really do feel, in real time, like I'm growing up. I feel my brain maturing.

One big reason I feel like this is because of the way I'm starting to appreciate media. My media literacy is becoming more personal, in a way (when I want it to be). Is this a good thing? Who's really to say? But I do know I like what it's making me feel.

Before, I never felt truly immersed in media like all my friends did. The way they felt about Justin Bieber, One Direction, Taylor Swift, certain movie and TV shows, I never felt like that. I felt left out, but I am nothing if not honest. I was never a fangirl. But I wanted to be. If I can't honestly fangirl over things, I just won't. I could totally see where they were coming from, but I never understood how it was that serious...

I think because I am growing up, experiencing more life, I'm meeting new emotions and am finally able to connect deeper with media now. Music, movies, tv shows, and books are helping me realize things about myself and my emotions. One of the most recent feelings I've unlocked is ~yearning~.

What unlocked this feeling you may be wondering? Oh just "The Summer I Turned Pretty" season 3 episode 5. The way Conrad sees her. The episode so was beautifully shot. She was golden, she was glowing, she was beautiful. I yearn for someone to see me like he sees her. I yearn for someone to love me like he loves her. I want my life to feel like the way he sees her.

I know it may sound like I'm just yearning for love, but I think what I'm really yearning for is true happiness in life. I think that if I live my life like the way Conrad sees Belly, I will be happy. Live my life romantically. Seeing the beauty in things, and doing things to make myself feel like that.

I've struggled with figuring out my true passions and deciding what I want my life to look like. What do I see for myself in 5 years? I don't know! That's what I'm trying to find. Being able to feel media in this way is getting me one step closer. I'm accepting these feelings that I used to think were silly and unrealistic. This is what they mean by healing your inner child. This is (part of) what that means for me.

And that's the funny thing about life. It truly can be whatever you want it to be, you just have to make it that! I'm on my journey! And I hope you are too.

#2- xxxx

#2 diary entry.